*Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage…Kurt Cobain

20 years ago I was working in a record store in West Covina California…Kurt Cobain’s death had just hit the news and many mourned the death of the Nirvana Front man…As I entered the record store I noticed one of the store managers sitting in a corner looking very dejected…I asked him what was wrong, He answered…”Man, we don’t have anywhere near enough Nirvana CD’s on the shelves…”

This week Nirvana entered the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame…Michael Stipe gave a nice speech and Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic played some Nirvana music with an odd array of female vocalists, including: Joan Jett and Lorde…It was all nicey nice and celebratory and full of all the bullshit that Kurt Cobain despised…I wish I could have been sitting next to Kurt in heaven, watching the spectacle…Him leaning over and telling me, “I Love Rock and Roll’ was kind of a cool song, I guess.”

Look, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is what it is…Is it a bunch of crap?…Sure…Are there SEVERAL rock and roll acts still not in, that should be?…Of Course…Does Nirvana belong in it?…Without a fucking doubt…They changed the course of music…They spoke out for a generation that had no voice…They created unbelievable music that is still on the cutting edge a quarter decade after it was released…But when Cobain’s mom gets up there and says, Kurt would be so proud, she sounds like any mom talking about her son…Trust me, if Kurt was standing on that stage, the last thing he would be is proud…He would however, have tons of admiration for the rock legends sitting in front of him and of course love for the fans cheering him on…But without a doubt, he would be extremely uncomfortable…I mean, KISS was being honored on that same podium…Fucking KISS!!!…C’mon, Gene Simmons didn’t just sell his soul to the devil, he sold it with a KISS logo on it…They are the antithesis of everything Cobain was about…

My question is, would Cobain have showed up to this thing if he was still alive…He did do music industry bullshit stuff…He did MTV events…He wasn’t a recluse, but he did hate the industry that he worked for…We should also ask if Nirvana gets in if Cobain is still alive…Who knows how many of these music industry cocksuckers he’d have pssst off if he was still alive…Black Sabbath was kept out for many years because Ozzy talked shit about the Rock and Roll HOF…Cobain would surely have mouthed off about the Hall thousands of times in the last 20 years…If I’m a betting man, I would say he shows up, but no way in hell Nirvana performs…They were destined to break up, Cobain and Grohl would have surely hated each other…The hate that Courtney Love has for Grohl comes from the disdain Cobain had for him…It’s documented…And for sure, Nirvana Breaks up, Grohl starts The Foo Fighters and Cobain without a doubt talks shit…It would have been inevitable..So, Kurt gets up on that podium, mumbles some stuff, and then walks off…At least that’s how I see it…

Looking back on the production of ‘Nevermind,’ I’m embarrassed by it now. It’s closer to a Motley Crue record than it is a punk rock record…Kurt Cobain

Cobain was not any different than any other kid from a broken home…He was hurt, damaged and just all around unhappy…The unfulfilled promises from the Reagan Era, and the plunging economy in his home town of Aberdeen Washington,  lead Kurt to a life of sleeping on the streets and in abandon hospital beds…He basically turned to music cause it was all he knew…A fan of the Beatles, The Pixies and late 80’s punk gave him a unique perspective on music writing…He felt the angst and anger of punk, but he also enjoyed the layered textures and melodic hooks of Beatlesque type music…This is why you get Nirvana songs like, About a Girl, Something in The Way, All Apologies and Heart Shaped Box…It’s rare when a band can reach such diverse universes…And do it well…Kurt used the heart ache and challenges from his childhood to create exceptional music…Music beloved by the masses…Music that made record companies shit-loads of cash…And all this cash and fame would put Cobain in a spotlight…A spotlight he did not want to be in…And it’s because of this spotlight, Kurt Cobain is no longer with us…

*I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess…Kurt Cobain

I have a theory…A theory that suggests that popular people that kill themselves, literally or by some type of abuse, would have avoided such a fate if they had never become rich and famous…I think we can all become heroin addicts…But most of us have to go to work the next day and we need to pay for our shit…And getting fucked up on heroin is just not an option…But certain people that make it in the acting or music industry have too much free time and too much money, people like; Heath Ledger, Jim Morrison, Amy Winehouse, Layne Staley, Janis Joplin, John Bonham, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and so many others use the money and free time to indulge in their demons, demons that lead them to the same place Cobain’s did…Death…It’s just a theory I have.

So it is our fault, the people that love Kurt Cobain…Our fault for his death…We did not do it on purpose…We just loved his music, his message, his attitude…But like everything in life, we can’t get enough, we can’t control our urges, and we tend to suck the life out of everything that is good…Kurt Cobain was just a kid trying to get by…And sorry to say, most of the 27 years he was on this earth, he was probably pretty miserable…My guess is, he probably enjoyed the early days in Seattle, the days before Nirvana took over the world…When they drove around in a borrowed truck and played punk music in small clubs…Before ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ became the ‘Billie Jean’ of alternative music…Before MTV scolded Kurt for singing the opening lines of ‘Rape Me’ at their bullshit awards show…Before the record company freaked out when Kurt wanted to call the follow up to Nevermind, ‘I Hate Myself and I Want to Die’…Before record companies flooded Seattle to find the next “Nirvana type band”…Before all these things, when Cobain was just a struggling artist, a sad kid using music to express his angst, his emotions and his life…His short, beautiful Life…

*Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.Kurt Cobain

*From a note found next to Cobain’s lifeless body…Some would call it a suicide note, others, an apology letter…I will just say, its the final words of Kurt Cobain…

Till Next time…